I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Girls should come with a carfax report
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
