im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I am available for nakedness
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
