Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
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I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
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she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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