in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
this is an emotional support booty call
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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