I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
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When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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