His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
