U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
