I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
His nipple licking is glorious
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