glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize