i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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