This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
