You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Ladies don't puke and tell
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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