the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
