my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
