You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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