I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
