What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
