Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
