actually, I'm a sock model
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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