I wanna passion pit in your ass
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
