i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
