I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
