Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
