I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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