I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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