I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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