Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
