Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She's the barista slut.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
