we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
