Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
