I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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