it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
