i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
