I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
