Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Randomize
