I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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