There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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