If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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