apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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