We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
