this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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