don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
