So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
