Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
