I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
