i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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