I can text with my tongue
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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