im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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