Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
And then he peed in my hair
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