I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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