so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he thought i was a dude.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
