I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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