Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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