when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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