A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
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He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
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You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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