Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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