My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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