alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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