WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
