I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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