Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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