Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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