I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
