dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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