Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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