So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
