my mouth tastes like poor choices
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
