dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she told me i tasted like america
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
