why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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