I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
