Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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