1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
