I hate all girls vehemently.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
