her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
