i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
