Who wears a wallet chain?!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
