i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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