i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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